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[Watch this space for: Pentagon and Petroleum, The Media is only as Liberal as the Corporations Who Own Them, Wash Down With, and Recalcify]


Sunday, October 20, 2002


Damon from the WBW comments:

Draft for an Anti-Idiotarian Manifesto (version 6.66):

WHEREAS, the world has turned into an enormous fucking Tom Clancy novel;

WHEREAS, the Left has failed us by not being the Right;

WHEREAS, the Right has failed us by trying to take away our dope and prostitutes;

WHEREAS, even many of the Libertarians, from whom we expected a hasty abandonment of their core values of non-initiation of force and individual rights at the first sign of a real-world ethical dilemma, have refused to recognize that, at this time, enthusiastically marching in lock-step with the state in its pursuit of aggressive military solutions to all problems of collective guilt, is our only practical instrument of self-defense;

WE THEREFORE ASSERT the following convictions as the basis of the anti-idiotarian position:

1. THAT the end is nigh.

WE THEREFORE AFFIRM that both the terrorists and their state sponsors -- verily in so committing their souls to the Abyss, and sundering the peace of Middle Earth -- have made themselves outlaws from the moral community of Man, forsooth to be dealt with as all manner of fell beasts and dragons are, aye, and orcs.

WE FURTHER AFFIRM that the `root cause' of Islamo-fascist terrorism lies in the animating politico-religious ideas of fundamentalist Islam and not in any significant respect elsewhere, a position enormously strengthened by our total immersion in Islamic culture during two hours spent in transit at Dubai Airport on the way to Australia for a Linux convention, and that a central aim of the war against terror must be to displace, discredit, and destroy those animating ideas, which we shall heretofore refer to as ‘thought-crimes’.

WE REJECT, in a rare burst of intellectual clarity, as a self-serving power grab by the least trustworthy elements of our own side, the theory that terrorist depredations can be effectively prevented by further restrictions on the right of free speech, or the right of peaceable assembly, or the right to bear arms in self-defense; and we strenuously oppose police-state measures such as the imposition of national ID cards or airport-level surveillance of public areas;

WE REJECT the theory that `fairness' requires us not to notice that them’s a bunch a dune coons done this.

WE SUPPORT unconditionally whatever the United States and its so-called ‘allies’ claim to be doing about this.

WE SUPPORT, as an alternative greatly preferable to future nuclear blackmail of the West, the present nuclear blackmail BY the West.

WE SUPPORT another declaration of support for something on this line.

WE REJECT such a declaration on this one.

WE DEFINE IDIOTARIANISM as a ridiculous made-up word.

WE REJECT the idiotarianism of the Left -- the moral blindness that refuses to recognize that steel tariffs and Amateur Assbangers IV: Return to High School have made the West a fundamentally better place than any culture in which jihad, 'honor killings', and female genital mutilation are daily practices approved by a stultifying religion.

WE REJECT the idiotarianism of the Right – in our effort mask the extreme right-wing nature of this manifesto.

WE ARE MEMBERS OF A CIVILIZATION, and we hold that civilization to be worth defending by other people. We have not sought war, but we will send others to fight it to the end. We will fight for our civilization in our thoughts, in our words, and in other’s deeds.

WE HAVE AWAKENED. We have seen the face of evil in the acts of the Bin Ladens and Husseins and Arafats of the world; we have seen through the lies and self-delusions of the idiotarians who did so much both to make their evil possible before the fact and to deny and excuse it afterwards. We shall not flinch from our duty to confront that evil in the most laughably self-deluded and ineffective manner possible; to wit, this manifesto.

WE SHALL SHED the moral cowards and the appeasers and the apologists; and we shall fight the barbarians and fanatics, and we shall defeat them. We shall defeat them in war, crushing their dream of dominion; and we shall defeat them in peace, using our wealth and freedoms to seduce their women and children to civilized ways, and ultimately wiping their diseased and virulent culture from the face of the Earth. Furthermore, we shall defeat them in Magic: the Gathering, crushing their dream of seizing the Dark Throne of Zalgar; and we shall defeat them in Dungeons and Dragons, using our totally awesome sketching ability to draw totally realistic pictures of their women as Half-elven sluts in leather to jack off to. And we shall take truckloads of shit for the truly unfortunate phrase "using our wealth … to seduce … children".

THIS WE SWEAR, on the graves of countless patriots and lovers of freedom; and to past deliverers of truly rousing and appropriate calls to arms;


(your signature here)

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